In 2022, my life cracked open.
A nearly decade-long relationship ended, and at 37, I felt... free. At least that’s what I told myself. I threw myself into life — weekends full of concerts, late nights, group plans, and distractions. I wasn't just single, I was trying to make up for lost time.
Behind the scenes though? I was avoiding my house, ignoring my responsibilities, and sidestepping the discomfort that comes from being alone with my thoughts. I'd blast music to cope, sip on Ghost energy drinks to stay focused and alert, and keep bouncing from one plan to the next — not out of recklessness, but because I didn't know how to be still.
It was classic avoidance — and it caught up with me.
📚 Related read: Avoidance coping and emotional burnout
2023: The Year of “Yes”
In 2023, I set “balance” as my theme word.
But I didn’t really honor what balance meant.
Instead, I said yes to everything that brought me joy:
Live music. Trips. Nights out. Punta Cana. A stacked calendar of feel-good moments.
And don’t get me wrong — some of it was amazing.
But by October, I hit a wall.
I went quiet in my group chats. Skipped social plans.
Spent entire weekends on the couch, too drained to move or stay motivated.
I had pushed so hard to “live fully” that I’d ignored the warning signs that I was running on empty.
Turns out, there’s a name for this.
📚 Related read: What is social burnout?
I realized I wasn’t chasing joy — I was avoiding stillness.
Worse, I was living a version of myself that looked good on the outside but felt fake on the inside.
That’s when things started to shift.
Back to Me: Choosing Constructive Balance
In 2024, I decided to finally choose me — not just the "fun" version of me, but the real version.
Balance started looking like this:
- Getting out of the house for healthy reasons — not just happy hours or concerts
- Actually tackling home projects I'd been avoiding
- Creating space to reflect instead of just running from one dopamine hit to the next
I started reading again. I’d picked up Good Vibes, Good Life by Vex King back in 2022, but like a lot of things during that time, I didn’t really sit with it. I picked it back up in late 2023 — and that’s when it actually started to land.
📘 Good Vibes, Good Life by Vex King
It helped me begin to untangle the ways I was holding on to stress, and how that showed up in my body and my habits. The words hit different when I was finally ready to hear them.
I also started digging into books like The Body Keeps the Score, which made it painfully clear: the fatigue, the low motivation, the resistance to being still — it wasn’t laziness. It was my nervous system begging for relief.
📚 Related read: How the body stores trauma
What Balance Actually Feels Like Now
I’m not perfect.
But for the first time in years, I’m not living to impress or escape.
Balance now means:
- Saying no, even when it’s tempting to say yes
- Protecting my energy like it’s currency
- Doing more things that support my body and mind — not just my FOMO
It’s workouts over endless brunches.
Books over burnout.
Peace over pressure.
📘 Atomic Habits by James Clear was a total game-changer for me.
It helped me realize that real change doesn’t come from big declarations — it comes from small, consistent shifts. It reframed how I think about motivation, identity, and momentum. It’s the kind of book that hits different depending on where you are in life — and it hit hard when I read it the first time.
Now, as I balance launching my business (Scaling Better), taking on more in my role as a Microsoft Security Architect, and staying committed to my physical and mental health, I’m actually planning to re-read it. Not because I missed something — but because I’m leveling up, and I need that reminder that it’s the small, aligned actions that add up to something big.
📲 I also use digital tools to track my habits and routines — more on those in a future post.
If You’re Feeling Fake-Happy Too…
You’re not alone — and you’re not broken.
Sometimes, the glow-up is just a disguise.
The real healing starts when you stop performing and start listening.
Ask yourself:
- Is this version of joy actually draining me?
- Am I building a life that looks good or feels good?
- What would it look like to say yes to myself, not just to plans?
Come hang with me on Instagram @scalingbetter, where I talk more about how to build something better — on your terms.
No pressure. No performance. Just real growth, one day at a time.