Memorial Day isn't a long weekend. It's not a mattress sale. It's the day we stop and say the names of people who didn't come home — and the ones who came home but couldn't stay.
My stepbrother Jack served with the 82nd Airborne. He did what was asked of him. He came back. And then PTSD took him from us anyway.
Jack died by suicide.
That sentence is hard to write and harder to live with. But if I've learned anything from building Scaling Better, it's that the uncomfortable truths are the ones most worth saying out loud — because somebody out there is living in that same silence right now.
The War That Follows Them Home
We do a good job honoring the fallen on Memorial Day. Flags, ceremonies, moments of silence. And those matter — deeply.
But there's another kind of falling that doesn't get a flag. It happens in apartments and truck cabs and VA parking lots. It happens quietly, after the welcome-home parades end and the world moves on.
You've heard the number — 22 a day. The most recent VA data puts it closer to 17.5. That shift matters — it means progress is happening, and the work of advocacy organizations, crisis lines, and veteran communities is saving lives. But whether it's 17 or 22, the point is the same: we are losing veterans every single day to a war that doesn't end when they come home. The number isn't low enough until it's zero.
These aren't statistics. They're Jacks. They're someone's stepbrother, someone's battle buddy, someone's parent.
May Is Mental Health Awareness Month — And Veterans Need Us to Mean It
It's fitting that Memorial Day falls during Mental Health Awareness Month, because the conversation about veteran mental health can't be a once-a-year thing. PTSD, traumatic brain injuries, military sexual trauma, substance use disorders, depression — these don't care what month it is.
The good news: resources exist. The hard part: getting people to use them.
If you're a veteran — or you love one — here are the resources that matter. Save them. Share them. Put them in your phone right now.
Resources That Are Available Right Now
🆘 Veterans Crisis Line
Call: 988, then press 1
Text: 838255
Chat: VeteransCrisisLine.net
Available 24/7/365. Free. Confidential. Many responders are veterans themselves.
🏥 VA Mental Health Services
va.gov/health-care/health-needs-conditions/mental-health
Same-day mental health care is available. You don't need a referral. You don't even need to be enrolled in VA health care. If you served, you're eligible — regardless of discharge status.
🤝 Vet Centers
va.gov/find-locations/?facilityType=vet_center
Community-based counseling centers staffed by veterans who've been there. Readjustment counseling, PTSD support, family services. No enrollment needed.
📱 Military OneSource
Call: 800-342-9647 (24/7)
Web: militaryonesource.mil
Free, confidential support for service members, veterans, and families. Counseling, financial assistance, legal help, and transition resources.
🏠 National Call Center for Homeless Veterans
Call: 877-424-3838 (24/7)
Chat: va.gov/homeless
For veterans who are homeless or at risk. Also available to family members and service providers.
🌐 Make the Connection
maketheconnection.net
Real stories from real veterans about real challenges — PTSD, depression, transition, relationships. A powerful starting point for anyone who thinks "nobody gets it."
What the Rest of Us Can Do
You don't have to be a veteran to make a difference. Here's what actually helps:
Check in. Not on Memorial Day. On a Tuesday. On the random Thursday when nobody's thinking about it. That's when it matters most.
Learn the signs. Withdrawal, mood changes, increased substance use, giving away possessions, talking about being a burden. These aren't "phases." They're signals.
Don't say "let me know if you need anything." That puts the burden on the person who's struggling. Instead, show up. Bring food. Sit in silence if that's what's needed. Be specific: "I'm coming over Saturday. Want to grab lunch or just hang?"
Normalize getting help. The toughest thing a veteran can do isn't survive combat — it's asking for help after. If you're in their circle, make it safe to have that conversation.
For Jack, and for the 82nd
Jack served with the 82nd Airborne — the All-Americans. A division that has answered the call since World War I, from Normandy to the deserts of the Middle East to the mountains of Central Asia. They jump into the hardest situations on earth with hours of notice.
What they don't get is a manual for coming back.
Every morning, Jack posted "Good Morning" on Facebook. Two words. Every single day. It was a small thing — the kind of thing you scroll past without thinking. But it was also a pulse. A signal that said I'm here. I made it to another day.
Until one morning, he didn't.
His brother — not by blood, but by the bond that forms when you serve together — still posts "Good Morning" every single day. Years later. Every morning. Carrying the ritual forward because that's what you do when someone can't anymore.
That's what service looks like after the uniform comes off. It's not a ceremony. It's showing up — every day, two words at a time — for the people who can't.
This Memorial Day, I'll say Jack's name. And if you have a Jack — say theirs. And if you ARE the person fighting that battle right now, please hear this: you are not a burden. You are not broken. And there are people — real people, many of them veterans themselves — waiting on the other end of that phone line.
988. Press 1.
That's all it takes to start.
Do better. For them. For each other. For the ones still fighting.
All views expressed are my own. Nothing shared here is financial, legal, or professional advice... and AI is used ;)